Due to a technical difficulties (that really weren't really very technical, or difficult for anyone but me), I haven't been able to write in my blog much lately. And it crushed me that I couldn't write a post on March 29th. That date marks the year that Mom died, 5 years ago.
So we're just going to pretend that today is March 29th all over again.
Whenever I think back to this time 5 years ago, it's feels like both just yesterday, and long ago at the same time. I was just in such a fog at the time. I think it's how we survive deep grief. We become someone other than ourselves for a while, and we live in a different reality.
I've since healed over from my Mom's death. I still miss her, and get sad, but for the most part, I just have lots of great memories. I can still hear her voice, and see her pretty face. I use to fear that they would fade from my memory, but now I have hope that maybe they never will. I still feel very connected to Mom.
While I didn't get to write a post that day, I was able to put my feelings into a little song.
(Me and my studio are both in a bit of a mess, which explains my mysterious camera angle!)
I hardly can remember what our lives were like back then
I walked around in circles until you made it to the end
There was a stunning silence and a stillness in the air
I must have held my breath as I was drowning in despair
But your voice it doesn't fade
And now your face it doesn't change
I'm not sure now where you are
But maybe you're not too far
Back then I couldn't see what was right in front of me
I couldn't do the math that 1 and 1 and 1 is three
But the body wants to heal and the heart it wants to beat
Because life keep marching on after it knocks you off your feet
I had to adjust to this new version of us
It's not what I would chose, but I guess I'll have to trust
that it's just a part of life, it's a piece of the big plan
and it doesn't really matter if I don't understand