The Family

We returned from our short holiday cruise last week. Just me and the boys- Fermin, my brother, and my dad.

When we booked the cruise a few months ago, we just sorta assumed a "Mexican Cruise" would be warm, beachy and water-sporty. We didn't realize the temperatures would be in the mid-60s. So although it wasn't bikini weather, we still found ways to occupy our time...and laugh a LOT.

I have one particular family to thank for much of that and it is-- Steve, Laura, and their kids, Makala, Elizabeth and Joshua. We noticed this family the very first day of the cruise. They were 2 very stressed out and loud parents, with 3 little kids. The first day at breakfast the mom, Laura, said in a loud booming voice, "NO ELIZABETH, YOU ARE NOT HAVING ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST" and she shoveled in loads, and loads of lord knows what into her own mouth. Because that caught our ears, we started paying attention to their table, and it soon became an obsession. We learned everyone's name just by listening as Laura screamed at everyone. We eventually had an actual conversation with she and Steve and got her name as well.

If you keep up with my blog much, you've probably read a few posts about how I feel about the news (bleh), and how I feel about the fear-based society that many people seem happy to live in. I realize now, it starts with the news, and it trickles down into parents who then pass it along to their kids.

Here's a great example, as illustrated by The Family.

The morning we were docked in Ensenada, Mexico, we of course were stationed at a nearby table, eavesdropping on The Family at breakfast time. As was the morning routine, Laura and the girls showed up first, and then Steve and Josh would wander in. Once the boys got there, Laura left briefly to drop the girls off at the Kids Camp.

After shoveling in about 4 plates of food in about 4 minutes flat, Steve wiped the napkin all over his face, cleared his throat and began the big speech getting Josh ready for the big day of fun out in Mexico.

"Ok. Listen to me Josh. I need to tell you a few things about where we're going today.

FIRST: Don't touch anything, and don't put your hands up to your face. There are a lot of dangerous germs in Mexico. It's a dirty, dirty place.

SECOND: DO NOT drink the water. There are parasites in the water that will give you something called DYSENTERY. That means diarrhea. So no matter how thirsty you are, DO NOT drink the water.

NUMBER 3: There are kids there are trained to pick pocket all the visitors. So if you have ANYTHING in your pockets, you need to leave it on the ship.
and finally...

NUMBER 4: The people in Mexico KIDNAP Americans to get a lot of money. So at all times you need to stay with Mommy and Daddy. I want you stuck to us like FLIES ON SHIT."

(** And yes, that is really the phrasing he used to his 8-ish year old son. Awesome.)

Josh looked so sad and worried as he dug around in his pockets, making sure he had nothing of value in them. And then he said, "Then why are we going?"

No kidding. His dad had just described a place that hardly sounded worth getting off the ship for.

And his dad replied, "Because we're gonna have FUN!"

Yay. Good times!

This is just one of the many over-heard conversations that made our trip very memorable. Thanks to... The Family!

Merry Christmas!

This is my friend, Deville (my brother's sweet Bull Mastiff). I can remember when he was a little puppy and I could pick him up and hold him in my arms. That was obviously many, many months and pounds ago. His face is now the size that his entire body was when I first met him. I can't hold Deville anymore, but I'll always think of him as Little Nilly Devilly.

This picture of the ever handsome Deville is my analogy of the changes that happen over time and is so apparent to me at Christmastime.

When I was a kid I loved Christmas. And I mean LOVED it. I would certainly have named it my favorite day of the year. I always had tons of presents, and I loved having both of my grandmothers over for the eve and day. I loved decorating Christmas cookies with Mom. I loved watching all the Christmas shows and singing all the songs. I loved going to visit Santa and writing a little note to him each year. And I loved driving around in the car with my family looking at Christmas lights.

As I became a young adult, some of the traditions changed but still, I loved Christmas. Back in the early 90's, my husband/my then-boyfriend started spending Christmas with our family. My sister who moved to Seattle many years ago would always come in town with her family. I looked so forward to seeing her and my brother-in-law and my cute niece and nephew. Christmas just became bigger. We started a Gingerbread House contest in my family that became a pretty huge competition and something we thought about for weeks in advance. In the early years of the contest, we built houses, but eventually we built cathedrals, and even great cities! Mom continued to buy us all tons of gifts and there was always so much under the tree! I have to admit, I loved getting gifts. As I grew up, I learned to give them, too.

And now, here I am in 2009. Like I have since Mom died, I'll be going out of town for Christmas. I'll be out of town, and it won't even feel like Christmas morning. It will just be my dad, my brother, Fermin, and me. My sister's family has grown up and there's been some separations so we won't see them this year. There isn't a tree this year, and there aren't loads of gifts under it. And the most obvious and profound--- Mom's no longer here to make it all feel like the good ol' days.

Ah, transitions... We're still trying to figure it all out.
I like to think it's like growing up- There are some awkward stages, some years are better than others, but ultimately, your striving to be better, and to be wiser.

Maybe next year we'll all be ready to stay home for the holidays, because as the song says, there's no place like home for the holidays. Maybe we can get back to the gingerbread houses, and some of those other traditions we had to set aside for a few years. I think I'll be ready to get back into the Christmas spirit next year.

Don't cry for me, Argentina or anyone else! I know I'm still very lucky- and I'm lucky to get to be going on a trip with my little family this year. I just hope Christmas gets a little bigger next year...

On the Rebound

After weeks of being rapt up in the 4 Twilight Saga books, (thank you Young Adult Fiction!) I am now ready to dive into a brand new book.

There's a bit of pressure involved in the picking of this next book. I'm coming out of this thrilling ride I've just had with all those Stephanie Meyers books. The books have been a phenomenal hit. Clearly, they had some kind of magical mass appeal. Whatever book I pick up next most likely won't be quite as enthralling. I've just come out of a pretty long and serious book relationship. It lasted for 4 long books.

You see, that's what I mean about the pressure on this next book. So, I'm going to look at it as just my rebound book after that torrid affair that just ended. It might not being as fast paced, it might not have an Edward, it may not hold my attention in all the ways that damn Twilight Saga did, but it will help me move on, and I'll be a stronger reader for it!

I do the bulk of my reading in the bathtub in the evenings. With the Twilight books, my baths took about an hour. Now that I just started a new book- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo-
my baths are a lot shorter, and I debate over reading my latest Yoga Journal, or the book. Granted, I'm only about 70 pages into this new book, but I'm just not caring about the characters at all. I miss Edward. I want Jacob back. These new characters with their Swedish names are just not doing it for me!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is Mom's birthday. She would've been 73 years old.

She only lived to be 69- and what a young and beautiful 69 she was. I never really saw my mom grow old. She never turned into a little old lady. For obvious reasons, that makes me sad.

I find myself in tears at the drop of a hat over missing her, still. It starts with just some strong feeling of her, that then just turns into sadness and longing. I'm sure anyone who has lost someone they love so much can relate. Fortunately though, sometimes my memories of Mom just make me laugh. Mom and I did a lot of laughing together, so those kinds of memories come at me often.

None of us know what comes after life until our own ends and then the secret is pretty safe. But since I knew Mom was going somewhere, I asked her to please visit me in some sort of way. I wanted her to know seeing a ghost of her wouldn't freak me out at all. She told me she would.

Maybe she has visited me. In dreams. In nature. Thru a song I hear. But she's just so subtle with the way she goes about it. I think all along I've been expecting an apparition of Mom- looking much like she did alive, only there would be a ghostly-ness about her.

It would not freak me out at all.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Mom! I miss you...

All I Want For Christmas

I can remember when I was a kid, I'd go thru the holiday catalogs and circle the things I wanted for Christmas. Picking out stuff I wanted and dreaming about the possibility of getting them was just as much fun, or almost as much fun anyway, as opening up my gifts Christmas morning. It seems like I got most of the things I really wanted. I don't think I ever wanted anything too over the top, plus my parents were uber-generous. Them, and Santa!

The other day I was combing through the inserts in the Sunday paper to see if I could find some ideas for my Christmas wish list.

The days of simple gifts like Slinkies, my old Raggedy Ann and Andy Alarm Clock, and View Finder are long gone.

Now, instead of a View Finder, there are Digital Video Glasses. You can watch movies and listen to audio and look ridiculous all at once! For only $200 bucks!


For added comfort while you watch your movie in your little weird glasses, you could put on the uCrown Head Massager. It's basically a little space cadet helmet you put on your head that has heat, vibration, and soothing music all in one! Yay!





There's a new alarm clock named Moshi that you can have a conversation with and boss around with commands like "Set the alarm, Moshi!" and "Give me a night light!" Not as cute as my Raggedy Ann clock of days long ago, but more convenient I guess. Using your hands to set your clock is just so passe.

And while I'm on the topic of convenience- I found a really stupid grocery list maker- It's voice activated so you just tell it what you need and it types it out and prints it. Does that really save time? I'm pretty sure writing down "milk" on a list wouldn't slow me down anymore than saying "MILK", and then hitting a print button would.

Just like in the days of yore, going through the catalogs brought me great pleasure, but for entirely different reasons. This time, I want for none of those things. A slinky would be plenty!

Down with Diet Coke

It's been over a month and a half since I've had a Diet Coke. I don't want to get too cocky about it, because I've given it up before, only to return to it. But I do want to give myself a little high five!

On the day I stopped drinking it, I didn't say, "Never again." I just promised myself, "Not for one month." That made it seem much easier. Once the month was up, I was so proud of myself I just wanted to continue (to discontinue). I still don't think of it as having given it up forever. But each day I'm able to choose not to drink it. So far, so good. One day at a time, Sweet Jesus! ;)

There were definitely some times I have been very tempted: Going to the movies and getting popcorn, but no Diet Coke- that was a tough one. The first time I ate Mexican food and just had a water as my beverage. Every now and then, when I see other people sipping on a soft drink that looks oh so refreshing... But those feelings of temptations pass. And then, when it's all said and done, I'm so happy I have resisted.

Although I haven't noticed significant changes, there are some subtle things that have happened since I stopped using. For one, I drink more water, and therefore, I know my body must be better hydrated. Secondly, although I've rarely had a headache lately, if I do, I know the cause isn't related to caffeine or Diet Coke. Thirdly, and most charming, is knowing that I do have will power... that I can give something up that I think isn't the best thing for me.

High five!

Santa Exposed!

I was at Northpark mall last week- on Wednesday, before Thanksgiving. It was early in the afternoon and although it wasn't as crowded as I'm sure the mall is by now, after Thanksgiving, there were lots of people there- including lots of little kids.
Obviously, the mall was already decorated with holiday stuff- Lights, trees, candy canes, gingerbread houses, etc. In one of the little "houses", I saw a man with white hair, and a long white beard, wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

The man was taking books and stuffed animals out of a bag putting them out in the little room he was in. I wondered, "Is that Santa?!"

So I went over and asked him, "Excuse me, are you Santa?" And he said yes. I asked him what he was doing. He didn't really answer so I just said, "Are you just getting things ready?" I'm not even sure he answered me. Then I asked him how long he's been Santa. He said, "Ma'am, there are kids all around, so be careful about what you're asking." Um, hello?? Santa? If the jig is up here, it's not my fault. Isn't Santa is suppose to be wearing his red suit? Isn't he suppose to be jolly? And what about that twinkle in his eye?

Not sure why that guy couldn't figure out if he didn't want to be seen out of costume, maybe showing up in the Santa house on a crowded afternoon at the mall wasn't his best idea. Maybe being grouchy also wasn't doing much for his image either.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one a little disenchanted by "Santa" that day. But I know that guy isn't the real Santa. That guy was just an impostor. The real one is up at the North Pole making sure the elves get everything good and ready by Christmas morning...

The End of an Era

In my neighborhood, which I've now lived in about 8 years, we have our mailboxes up around our front porches. It's great for many reasons, and I think only older neighborhoods have this set up. Obviously, it's super convenient. You either open your front door to get the mail, or some people have it drop right inside their house. But one of the unexpected reasons it's so great is that you get to know your mail carrier because he spends hours each day walking the neighborhood streets.

IF you've got the kind of mail carrier that we've had. Our mailman, Jim, has been walking our neighborhood streets and bringing us our mail, and saying hello to us most days for over 20 years.

About a year and a half ago, Jim took a different route for a while. I think the walking 9 1/2 miles every day was getting to him and he needed a little break. All my neighbors and I realized how much we missed Jim. We rarely got the friendly hello shout outs, our mail came at random times, and we didn't know the names of the different mail carriers that showed up from day to day. And if we were going on vacation, we actually had to go up to the local post office branch and fill out a little sheet of paper asking them to hold the mail until we returned. (Jim had always just taken care of that for us!)

Then, several months ago, Jim returned and all was right with the world (or at least our little neighborhood) again.

But, today was Jim's last day. He turns 62 next week and is retiring. He told me he's just tired of the 9 1/2 mile walks each day. He also told me he'd visit our neighborhood again, but I think he might have just said that so I wouldn't cry as we said our goodbyes.

I've seen change happening in our neighborhood since we've moved in. We started out with so many sweet, older neighbors in their 80s. Now some of those people have moved away, or moved on, and younger neighbors have come in to take their places. I still love my 'hood, but it's not quite the same. And now, losing Jim as our mailman is just another change that makes me feel sad and wish things could just sort of stay the same forever...at least the good things- like him!

Hopefully, USPS will find ONE mail carrier to handle our route and he or she will wave and say hi, they'll learn our names and we'll learn there's-- but, still...it won't be the same.

Full of Thanks

Yesterday was Thanksgiving.
And I am full.
Full of thanks and gratitude.
Each day, I write 3 morning pages- Julia Cameron style- Yesterday, while doing my writing, I wrote a big,long list of things I'm thankful for. It wasn't hard to fill 3 pages.

I try not to take good things for granted, but after making the list, I realize I do just that. I don't often think about how glad I am to have good plumbing until I have some problem and am desperately calling a plumber. I forget to appreciate clean drinking water that comes straight out of my faucet at home, until I am on vacation in Mexico and I have to remember to use my bottled water at all times- even when I'm just rinsing after brushing my teeth. Until my mom died, I don't think it really hit me that the people I love the most won't always be around. It takes a little (and sometimes a lot of) yin to see the yang.

I am thankful for Thanksgiving. Thankful for the days I'm reminded to sit down and really count my blessings. All in one sitting. Until I am absolutely stuffed full of thanks.

Adam Lambert Controversy!

I may be alone here, and that's fine if I am-
But I think all this hoopla over Adam Lambert on the AMAs is a little ridiculous.

After reading some posts on FaceBook about how "gross" and "inappropriate" his performance was, I had to look it up and watch it on YouTube, since I missed the show.

Is this really so offensive to people in this day and age? Nobody's clothes were off, no laws were broken, and no one got hurt, so what really is the big deal? I feel like I've seen this kind of stuff done before on shows, in concerts, at award shows, in movies, and on the dance floors. And if anyone's very familiar with Adam Lambert, he is a singer, but he's also a performer, he's also edgy, and hello?, he's gay! So maybe his sexy dance moves or a little different than a heterosexual male's, but it's no more or less offensive to me.

This is not the kind of stuff that offends me. This is not the kind of stuff I get up in arms about. This is not the kind of thing that really hurts anyone. So what is the big deal?


*By the way, what I do think is a big deal is that this is my 400th post! ;)

Connection

Just when I think no one is listening, someone unexpectedly lets me know they are.

I've had a few of those encounters in the past few days- Someone letting me know they have my cd and play it often, someone else letting me know they read my blog and enjoy it... Ultimately, I create and express out of my own need to do so, but it makes me so happy to know there really are people out there paying a little of their attention to me. Love that feeling of connection...

15 (or 14)

I've picked the 15 songs that will be on my upcoming cd. Although, if I can't come up with a different bridge, one of them is going to get tossed off. And I mean it.

Picking which songs I wanted to include has been hard. I feel so bad saying "no, not you" to the ones that have potential if only I would spend a little more time on them and shine them up. But just because I'm turning my back on them for now, doesn't mean they're lost forever. Maybe when I come back to them months or even years from now, I'll have a new approach and I'll know just what to do to make them so much better.

But for now, I'm focusing in on the 15 that flowed out easiest from the start. And that jumped out at me the most as I listened back over my initial demo recordings.

I think my next cd is going to be my best yet. That's got to always be the intention, right? It would be silly to make one if I thought, "Well, it won't be my best but I'm gonna make it anyway..." I like to always think that my best work is always ahead of me.

Some of the new ones will sneak there way on to my set lists, (truthfully, I very rarely make a set list, but somewhere inside my head each night, there must be one!) but I'd like to keep them more or less on the down low so when the new cd is ready, no one will know what's gonna be on it. Just 15, or maybe 14, new songs. And better than my last batch.

It's the New Moon Review...(coming right at you!)

(Anyone around my age get's my title reference, right?)

I shamelessly went to see the New Moon movie.
My neighbor friend and I went to the early- and I mean 10am early!- feature hoping it wouldn't be too crowded with screaming women.

Well, it was, of course, crowded. But no one was screaming. And there were almost as many men there as women. Apparently, Edward (or maybe Jacob, whatever...) has mass appeal not only across the age spectrum but also across the gender lines.

So do you really want a review of the movie? Does it really even matter? If you're on the Twilight bandwagon, you probably don't care. You're going to see the movie regardless of a good or bad review. I woke up this morning and read the Dallas Morning News review of the movie, which was a horrible D rating, but it didn't give me a one second pause about whether or not I was going to see the movie.

Like the first movie, this one follows along very closely to the book. Except in my head, all of the vampires are way, way better looking than in the movie. Obviously, I liked my visions better. Except Edward. Well, Edward minus the weird lipstick, pale make-up and eyeliner. In my head, Edward looked like Rob Pattinson when he's on a talk show. Which is pretty much as described in the book: perfection.

I had started the Twilight saga several weeks ago, but after I read New Moon, I made myself stop until the movie came out. Now that I've seen it, I'm ready for the next installment- Eclipse. Ready to have more Edward, and maybe not so much Jacob. Ready to find out if Bella and Edward will get married, if Bella will eventually become a vampire, if Victoria will come back and what will happen when she does, if Jacob and Edward will eventually have it out...- what is going to happen?

And then in another year, I'll be back in the theater to see Eclipse on the big screen. (But not as beautiful as it is in my head...)

Busyness

One of my pet peeves is people who complain about how busy they are. I hate it when people do that. And by that, I mean the people who do it often. We're all busy in our own lives. Are the people who say that really any busier than the rest of us? Life is busy.

Being "busy"... Sometimes it's fun stuff, sometimes it's not fun stuff, sometimes it's exciting, and sometimes it's mundane. You might be busy reading a book, or taking a long walk, or getting your kids ready for school, or sitting in a boring meeting at work, or planning a trip, or lining up new gigs. But it all fills up time, and it's all a part of life, and it's all busy.

Using being busy as an excuse is just annoying. It feels almost insulting when someone says it to me. If someone apologizes for not calling me for a while and says something lame like, "Sorry I haven't called...I've just been so busy", it feels like they think I have just been sitting idly waiting on their call.

But I've been busy.

Weeding

The last month or so I've put in a lot of time weeding through not only these 50 songs I wrote for the "50/90" contest, but some others too. It actually became a little overwhelming.

But I slapped many of the decent songs on my iPod and have been taking lots of walks listening to the original recordings. After listening over and over, I got a much better feel for the ones that have some potential.

So now, I'm just re-working those. Making some lyric changes, some key changes, some tempo changes... singing and playing them over and over until I start to feel like they belong to me, or I belong to them.

My next cd will be signed, sealed and delivered within 6 months. That's my goal. I'm posting it here to hold myself accountable. By May 10th. Who knows, it might be even sooner, but it definitely will not be later!

Sting: "If On a Winter's Night..."

It's a little too early to buy a Christmas cd, but Sting so brilliantly put one out called "If On a Winter's Night...", so it doesn't technically fit the category. It's not disgusting to buy it in early November. It doesn't have any of the standard holiday songs that we all get so sick of hearing by the end of each season.

I used to love Sting. I loved the Police, and then liked his first several solo projects. But I've lost some interest over the years.

But there was a single I somehow ran across years ago called "Lullaby for an Anxious Child" and I knew it finally made it's way onto a cd- this brand new one. So as soon as it was available I bought it.

I just broke it out today to listen to it while I crock potted and cleaned my house.

What the hell is happening to Sting's voice??? He went from the raspy voice singing "Roxanne" to this very deep, very proper sounding voice. It sorta sounds like after all these years, he decided to take some classical voice lessons. It barely even sounds like him at times. But it does match the sound of the music he's created for this cd. I'm not sure yet that I like it. All I know is, it's different. (But just on certain songs.)

It's the kind of cd I will never run to, and will probably not put in my car to drive around to, but I'll play it on a lazy Sunday morning while Fermin and I read thru the big, fat, Sunday paper. Perhaps eating our sweet potato pancakes at the same time. And I can play it without cringing well into February!

Rules/Guidelines for Trick-or-Treaters

I love cute little trick-or-treaters that come to my door in costume on Halloween night. However, if I remove the words "cute", "little", and "costume" from that sentence, it's a whole different story!

Last night, I decided that since it's my door they're coming to, and I'm giving out candy, I should get to have my say. Just like restaurants that post signs that say, "No shirts, no shoes, no service", I think I have the right to refuse to give out my candy to patrons who don't follow Halloween etiquette.

If a kid can't bother to put on a mask, or a little paint on their face, or some sort of costume, why really are they even approaching my door? There was a large group of kids that looked related- None where dressed in costume, and all were older than what I consider legitimate trick-or-treating age. I asked them why they didn't dress up and no one even bothered to give me an answer. But then their Mom, or maybe older sister stepped up and held out her own bag and said, "We're poor! We can't afford costumes!" Oh? C'mon!!! Since when did using your imagination just a little get so expensive? I told her to try sticking an old sheet over her head and cutting two eye holes in it and calling herself a ghost.

Trick-or-treaters seem to be getting a little more demanding these days...One boy asked me for a bottle of water. We happened to be having a dinner party and all I had to offer at the moment were bikini martini's- so I just told him no and threw some candy in his bag.

I didn't even bring up the fact that some of these "kids" were way too old to be trick-or-treating. I only asked about costumes. AND I still gave out candy to them all. In other words, I used caution. But yet, it made my husband a little nervous after a while. Which is exactly my point: We're at our house, opening our doors to strangers, and giving out candy. Shouldn't I be able to speak my mind, even a little, without feeling nervous we might have our pumpkins smashed or eggs thrown at our house?

The Kerri Arista rules and guidelines for trick or treating are as follows:
(I used to be a teacher, and cannot help myself.)
1. Wear a costume.
2. Say trick-or-treat.
3. Say thank you after receiving the gift of candy.
4. If you're over the age of 11, you can only go out trick-or-treating if you're with a younger sibling or friend that needs you to walk with them.

Twilight

I finally got sucked in (no pun intended) to the Twilight Saga.

I had not read any of the books, but when the movie came out in December of last year, I went to see it. It was so cheesy at parts and I just couldn't buy into it. It was even hard to sit through the whole thing.

Then, a few weeks later at Christmas, my 20 year old niece gave me the book. I thought the gesture of her sending me a gift was nice, but I had no intention of reading it. I just stuck it up on my bookshelf.

Months and months passed. I've read lots of great books in the meantime. But finally, there was a lull in my book reading. I was out of books, and the library was closed. So, I decided to pull Twilight down from my shelf.

And within the first few chapters, I was somehow riveted. I couldn't seem to put the book down. I understand the reason so many girls and women love these books. I think we're programmed to like this kind of story. It's romantic, forbidden and unstoppable love. These stories have been around forever- and throwing vampires into the mix just makes it a little more edgy and sexy!

I liked it so much I even re-rented the movie that I had found so ridiculous less than a year ago.

And I learned that reading unrealistic fiction can be a lot easier than watching it. My brain allowed me to buy into all of it while I read the book, but I still found parts of the movie pretty hard to swallow.

I know the sequel, New Moon, comes out in theaters in November. And I will confess that I've got the book here beside me, waiting to be read. This time, I'm getting right to it.

Snuggling

This cooler weather calls for us to cozy up to those we love to stay warm.

Rainy Day Nap

Dogs are very wise creatures. They know it is perfectly okay to take a long nap on a rainy day! Zoe has been stationed on her pillow all day long. I've asked her a couple of times if she needs to get out to use the bathroom or anything, but the answer continues to be no.

Willie Baronet

I wrote this song for my friend, Willie Baronet, for his birthday this week! My very handsome and talented husband is featured on the cajon drum...
Happy Birthday, Willie!



Piles of books are stacked around you
Beside the questions in your head
It's a brand new day, that's what someone said-

The questions don't get answered
and all those books cannot be read
Maybe the asking and the searching is what keeps you fed...

Chorus:
"Am I awake?" "Am I enough?"
"How do I choose to see?" and "What will I leave undone?"
"Which way would my life have gone?" "Well I wonder about the last page.."
And it goes on and on and on....

Some days it feels so heavy that your legs just shake
and still when it comes to hope it never is too late
Subtracting all the anger and you're leaving all the love
I wonder how exactly does one hold that thought?

Chorus

Bridge:
Well you're half way to 100
OMG
You're never too old to grow younger
but you're bound to ask, "why me?"

Song for a Friend

One of my favorite friends, Willie Baronet, turned 50 earlier this week.
His girlfriend put together a blog where tons of his friends contributed pictures, stories, videos, etc. to him and wished him a happy birthday. I wrote him a song.

I had wanted to write a song for him for quite some time. But I was having trouble figuring out how to go about it. I didn't know if I wanted it to be funny, or heartfelt, or what. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part.

Fortunately for me, Willie is an artist who bares his soul on his art blog. Not only does he draw thought provoking pieces, but he often writes a sentence or two to go with his drawing. Sometimes looking at his blog posts make me laugh, and sometimes, they almost make me cry. So I decided reading through his blog from beginning to end would give me what I needed for his song...

This almost feels like my first co-write. I didn't have to come up with much- I just had to work the puzzle of Willie's words to make it all fit together. Please click HERE to visit my song blog and check out the video of the song!

And either before or after that, please visit Willie's Blog and you can see where my inspiration came from and meet a great artist!

Sore Throat

No one likes being sick. But I think I fear it and worry about it more than most people. The other day, my throat felt a little funky. The next day, it was a little better. Today however, it's burning and hurting me to swallow. I am bothered by the sore throat, but I am more bothered by the anticipation of what it's going to turn into. Usually, for me, a sore throat leads to a cold. And the longer it takes to turn into a cold, the worse the cold is.

I got to wondering, what is it that actually makes the throat feel this gross way and is there anything I can do about it?

Well, based on my very scientific web-surfing research, a sore throat is caused by the "post nasal drip" running down your throat irritating it and drying it out when you have a cold. But my nose isn't runny, and I don't have a cold- Could it instead be caused by "pre-nasal drip"? Hmmmm. In my case, that seems to make more sense.

I read that drinking fluids will help. And so will a humidifier. That explains why a sore throat seems the very worst in the morning- after you've gone 7 or 8 hours without any liquids! Gargling salt water is suppose to help too. According to one thing I read, cold germs multiply in your throat before you actually get a cold, so if you gargle you can kill off at least some of them and your cold won't be as bad. (Hold on...I'm gargling salt water now...) Apparently mouthwash has a similar effect and has a much better taste so that's what I'm doing next.

Ultimately, I dread the possibility of a cold because I tend to have a hard time getting over the coughing stuff and it usually effects my voice which then leads to cancelled gigs. :( But all this worry isn't helping me.

But maybe a little mouthwash will!

Morning Pages

I journal a lot and have for years and years and years. Sometimes I do it daily, and sometimes I go for stretches of weeks without writing at all. Sometimes all that writing seems pointless, but sometimes it really helps me figure myself out.

I've just started reading Vein of Gold by Julia Cameron with a friend. One of the things Julia asks that you do is daily morning pages. That is, 3 handwritten pages first thing each day. She's pretty particular that it be handwritten and that it be 3 pages and no less.

When I read her first book on creativity, The Artist's Way, I worked through it with a group of people. Being the rule follower that I am, I did my morning pages just like JC (Julia, that is!) told me to. Our group often discussed how we were doing with the morning pages. Some people hated them, some people loved them. I honestly felt indifferent. First of all, like I said, keeping a journal was nothing new for me. Secondly, I wasn't having to wake up 40 minutes earlier each day so I'd have time for my writing before heading off to a day job. And as for why I wasn't loving my morning pages, well, I rarely have a real "a ha!!" moment the way some people in our group seemed to. I remember one person saying page #3 seemed to be sort of magic. But no, no magic for me.

But if I just go at this thing with no real expectations and just a commitment to them, it's okay. I do realize I feel a little more centered each day- routine does that to me. (It's probably part of the reason I'm a runner too.) Sitting down with myself with only pen and paper allows for some serious reflection that might go unheard otherwise.

And anyone who knows me, knows one of my deepest desires is to be HEARD.

Unattached Stuff Becomes a Little Gross

Now that my hair is growing longer, and longer, and longer- I notice it in larger amounts unattached to my head. I'm sure that I've always lost hair at this rate, it's just that now that's it's longer, it seems like a lot MORE.

And it's gross.

It makes me stop and wonder why I'm not grossed out by hair that is attached to my head- or someone else's head- but am a little wigged out (pun intended) when I see hair in the sink, or in the bathtub or whatever. Why did it become a bit repulsive once it came out of a head and was set free?

Which then leads me to think of other things that are gross once they become unattached:
skin
scabs
snot- dried or otherwise
blood (when contained underneath the skin= not gross, once outside of the skin= a little gross)

Hmmm. Just something that made me stop and think and wonder for a few minutes today.

Song #50: "50 Different Ways"

THIS IS IT.
The final song of this batch of 50.

By the way, this doesn't mean I won't continue to put new posts and videos up here. I will! So please, continue to check back. Or make it even easier by just subscribing to the blog. That way you'll get a friendly notice when there's a new one. There should be a little RSS feed for you to click on up in the address box (or whatever you call that thing at the top of the screen). If you need any help in figuring out how to do that, just email me and I'm more than happy to assist.

So, without further ado, here's my 50th song called, "50 Different Ways".

The summer has fallen away, there's a chill in the air and it's starting to rain
I'm ready to go back inside, I've been overexposed now I just want to hide

(chorus)
I have nothing left to say
All that's left in my head is an ache
I've said all I came to say
In 50 different ways

I've talked 'til I'm blue in the face- Maybe no one's been listening to anything
The well of my words has run dry- Now the only word left is a lonely goodbye

(chorus)

I have spent hours on end
working these puzzles and making amends

(chorus)

Greg Holden..and Me!

I went to the Greg Holden and Ingrid Michaelson concert last night at House of Blues. It was fantastic. Awesome. Stupendous.

Greg was the opener and he stood on stage alone while sang his beautiful songs. I had been a fan for a few months now after a friend sent me a link to one of his many youtube videos. You really should check him out, too. If the world is fair and right, he's going to make it big. (But the music world isn't fair and right, so who knows?)

Ingrid was also great, but today's post isn't about her. So let's get back to Greg.

All night I was saying to my friend, "Oh! He's is so cute." We were talking about how many 18 year old girls must be swooning over him. I said that I also knew of a 40 year old that was swooning...

After the concert, I bought his cd and stood in line to have him sign it. Once I saw him up close and in person I realized how very, very young he is. Then I almost felt embarrassed about my earlier swooning. I sorta felt like a pedophile.

He's a cute boy. And his talent is enormous. Please do a little google search on him and check him out. Here's a little sneak preview:

#49!- Offer Up

Zippity doo dah!
This is song #49 and I've got #50 in my back pocket. I actually wrote #50 a little before this one, but I'm saving it for the last one because it is most fitting, as you will see and hear on my next post.

I write a lot of love songs, as by now you've heard. I could say they were all written about my husband and that would be so sweet of me and reflect so well on our relationship. But if I'm honest, I have to say love is love. And whether it's romantic love, or friendship love, or I-love-my-doggies love, it's ALL love and I am shaped by all of it. This is not about anyone or thing in particular, but I thought it was so appropriate that Zoe wandered into the room while I had my camera on and plunked herself down at my feet to support me!

This song is written for anyone and anything that pulls me out of a slump on a difficult day.



The colors all bleed into one
Where's the shocking yellow sun?
Every day's another lifeless shade of gray
And the melody's the same
A constant repeating refrain
I try to keep myself from falling off to sleep

(chorus)
Then you offer up your hand
And you're the only one who can
Shape me back to life

Some day's I'm lost and then I'm found
I'm still but spinning all around
I get a little dizzy from my head of thoughts
I'm in my shell and can't get out
The inside's dark and full of doubt
It gets a little sticky and I'm stuck inside

(chorus)

Don't Believe a Word I Say

You don't know me, or where I've been
The way I see the world, and the way it all fits in
I've laid it out, and had my say
I've told you all my stories before they found their way

(chorus)things get convoluted in their twisted kind of way
it's hard to be coherent when i'm going at this pace
so don't believe a word i say

Everyday, I speak my words
Unpracticed and imperfect and really unrehearsed
Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's you
Mostly I am honest but sometimes that's not true

(chorus)
(chorus)

This is Love

I had a little technological hiccup last night and had trouble posting yesterday's song. WHAT in the world would I have done if I hadn't have worked it out? But fortunately, the little glitch is all worked out. Whew.

I'm down to the wire- I've got to write a new song each day this week until this challenge ends on Thursday. If I have time, I'll post them all.

This is song #47. May your week be full of LOVE!

It's hot and then it's cold. It won't fit into a mold.
It's black and then it's white.
It's complicated so you better think twice

(chorus) oh this is love
love, love, love
or something above
love, love, love (x2)

For better and for worse, it's the last thing and it's the first
I've known it all along
but sometimes I still get it all wrong...

(chorus)

it holds me down, and it spins me 'round
it picks me up, and it crashes me down
(chorus)

It's old and still it's new
It's me and I've added you
It's a little snapshot of everything I've learned
It's a picture growing softer, but it won't turn

(chorus)

One of These Days

Holy Guacamole!

I've got to get up and at 'em over the next few days, because as you know if you've been following my progress on this "50 songs in 90 day" challenge, the jig is up on October 1st, which is THIS coming Thursday.

Yeah, so like I said, Holy Guacamole!

This is my 46th song and it's called "One of These Days". Like most songs I write, it's not about one person or thing in particular, but a few things rolled into one. The obvious overall theme being, "One of these days I'm gonna RISE UP against some things that have been gnawing at me so, watch out!"

I could joke about it and make light of it
Pretend that it might go away
I could bottle it up, and brush it all off
And hope under the rug it will stay

(chorus)
But one of these days it's gonna come to light
and by then I'll be ready to put up a fight
One of these days it's gonna all come undone
and by then I'll be ready to run

I act like I don't mind, like it's perfectly fine
But it's weighing my shoulders down
I sit perfectly still and it takes all my will
To keep me from shouting out

(chorus)

I am gathering facts and planning attacks
For when I can't sit anymore
Out from nowhere I'll come and I'll knock you down dumb
and I'll finally even the score

(chorus)

Torn

There are two things in particular that I love to do, that I know are good for me, that I make a part of my every day life, BUT that I'm unable to do right now. Running and sleeping.

I've been having this weird pain for a while that's continued to get worse and worse. It started off like just a tight inner thigh muscle. First, it was hard to sit cross legged. Then I couldn't do a lot of yoga poses. Then it started waking me up at night anytime I'd roll over, or move my leg much. It's now hurting when I run.

I haven't officially had it diagnosed with an MRI, but from everything my Physical Therapist can figure out, I have a "hip labral tear". He's been giving me a few stretches and different little exercises to see if they help. So far, nothing is helping.

And today I am pissed about it. Up until a few days ago, if I briskly walked for about 45 minutes, I could warm it enough enough to walk on it, but today even after walking for 1 1/2 hours, I couldn't get to a point of being able to run on it without pain. Crapola.

It's times like these I need to remind myself of all the stuff I'm thankful for. Just in regards to this little current frustration, I am thankful for:

Great weather for walking.

White Rock Lake!!!

The fact that I have two legs and can walk!

The time in my day to take these long walks.

The financial means to seek treatment when I decide I have to have it.

Two little friends named Zoe and Scout that will happily accompany me shorter walks anytime of the day or night.

A husband that will pull on my leg. (That's part of my p.t. prescription, and you can't ask just anybody to pull on your leg!)

A bike!

A gym!

All the stuff I can still do without my leg hurting at all.

Okay, there.

I feel better already.

I really am grateful. I have been bitching and moaning in my head all morning and perhaps now, at least for today, I'm DONE!

Kitty and Mona Lisa

I noticed the other day while looking at images of Hello Kitty that Kitty has no mouth. And then I read something somewhere that said that her lack of a mouth makes it easy to look at Kitty and reflect your own mood or expression onto her. If you're happy, then Kitty looks happy to you. If you're mad, maybe Kitty looks mad. (Although, I'm not sure that's really possible- Kitty? Mad?) That's a theory anyway.

It made me think about the Mona Lisa. It was once pointed out to me that there are no lines around Mona Lisa's mouth to indicate what her expression is. It's hard to tell if she's smiling, or not.

Both Hello Kitty and Mona Lisa are images recognized by people all over the world. And also loved by many. And both a little mysterious...

Well, Hello Kitty!

I go to Masala Wok in Richardson pretty often. About once every week or two. I usually order the same thing. And I usually order it from a girl who has barely ever engaged in any conversation or said hi to me. And I've never seen her smile. I don't mind and I'm not complaining- I'm just saying.

Yesterday when I went up to the counter to order, I laid my keys on the counter and pulled out my wallet. (As I think I probably do ever time I go there, and I've been going for years...) Both my keychain and my wallet are Hello Kitty. The counter girl noticed and said, "Oh, you like Hello Kitty?"

Which then led to a conversation about our mutual love for Kitty. She told me where to go to find a bunch of Hello Kitty merchandise that I didn't already know about. And then after this brief conversation about Kitty, whenever she walked past me, she'd look over and smile.

All because of Kitty.

It's Gonna Be a Bright Sunshine-y Day!

So it's been raining for days and days... and it seems like weeks! I could never live somewhere that didn't have a lot of sunshine. I am thankful that here in Dallas, we usually get lots of it. It was nice to have a break from the September heat, but I've missed the sunshine!

Even though it is currently mid-morning, the sky is still pretty dark.

BUT- I just looked at weather.com, as I very often do these days as I decide if I can run outside or not, and it looks like in a few hours, things are gonna clear up!

And I'll be singing this fine tune:

Flower on the Wall

This is song number 44, ya'll! :)

I'm just a flower on the wall
and you don't notice me at all
On the sidelines, I'm sitting in the shade
Unlike the other girls playing in the game

(chorus): So I won't win, and I won't lose
and if a coin gets tossed it won't be me that has to chose

I'll just hang back and watch
Stay out of the crowd, 'cause I could just get lost
It's a risk that I'm not willing to take
But my fear of failing could be my great mistake

(chorus)

Is this as good as it can get?
Is there something more I haven't found yet?
What if I laid my heart out on the line?

Maybe I'll change my ways
'Cause this could be my lucky day
I'll never know what this could turn out to be
The door could open if I stick in the key

And I could win, and I could lose
And when the coin gets tossed it could be me that gets to chose

Sum of all the Parts

I am wide, and I'm awake
I am part of the world and it's a big, big place
I am small, and I am great
I'm interwoven into this landscape

(chorus)
I am looking at the dark sky, and as slowly as a sunrise
a constellation starts for form
now with all these dots connected, with the sum of all the parts
there's more

There is silence, between the notes
Simple and basic in what it holds
In the quiet of the soul
Lies the map to guide us home

(chorus)

We ask how
And we ask why
Because searching for the answers
Brings us alive...

(chorus)

Procrastination Succeeds

Some days, you gotta write some crap to pave way for (hopefully) something better that is soon to come!

Anyway, here's a little song about one of my worst habits. I was reading an article in Psychology Today about procrastination. Loved that it explained the big difference between laziness and procrastination. Sometimes I feel lazy because of how little of value I've actually gotten done in a day. But yet, I've done a lot! Anyway, the article explains that if I was just lazy, my lack of productivity wouldn't even bother me. It's the guilt that seems to set the two apart.

Procrastination Suxceeds

Oh it's hard to get started, I slept in too late
Yeah I've been delayed from the start
Yesterday was put off until today
And now today's turning into tomorrow

(pre-chorus)
Anxiety builds and I'm feeling the guilt of what didn't get done because

(chorus)
I get distracted and then I don't take action
Something less important supersedes
and procrastination succeeds

I could make excuses, explain it away
I was loaded with emails and errands today
but the truth of it is there was plenty of time
if I hadn't have spent all those hours online..

(pre-chorus)
(chorus)

I'm not lazy or sluggish or slovenly
I've got intentions, it's just nobody sees because

(chorus)
(chorus)

Superfabulous

Is there nothing better than finding some loose change in a pocket? Yes, dollar bills! And EVEN better than that? Finding an unused Starbucks giftcard in a drawer just when I was needing it most!

It was a Christmas giftcard- It's been mine all along. For about 9 months or so. But it's like a brand new gift for me today because I had forgotten all about it.

So I tried to think back. Who was this fabulous person that so generously gave me this sweet little Starbucks card? And then I remembered! When I bought a Starbucks giftcard for a friend, I decided to buy one for myself as well. I stuck it in a drawer in my kitchen and didn't think about it again until seeing it today.

Great gift idea, Kerri! So kind of you to think of me. Now lemme go buy you something at Starbucks!!!
YAY ME!

That Would Never Be Enough

I should have walked away that very first day
I saw it in your eyes, it really came as no surprised
But you loved me something fierce, and my heart had gotten pierced
you left your little marks black and blue across my heart

(chorus)
well I thought that I could save you, that maybe I could change you
that I could fix you with my love, but that would never be enough for you

You were misunderstood, oh but I could see the good
A diamond in the rough because your childhood was so tough
There was always an excuse that explained the blown-out fuse
You never were to blame so I could not get off the train

(chorus)

I had to save myself, I couldn't help nobody else
the problem isn't mine to give or take away
I had to save myself, I couldn't help nobody else
the problem isn't mine to give or take away

(chorus)

Dare Me

I try to ignore you, I try to let you go
I'm gonna do my own thing, so don't tell me how to grow

(chorus)
I'm gonna block out the noise so I can hear my own voice
And I have to guess the answer's gonna be yes

I'd rather beg forgiveness than ask if it's allowed
I'd rather set my own rules than follow yours around

(chorus)

(bridge)
So don't dare me, cuz that don't scare me
I know it's good for the soul
for me to break out of the mold
So just dare me, 'cuz that don't scare me

I'm not going up in smoke, I'm just letting off some steam
I've broken out of the cage to step into my dreams

chorus
bridge

Estate Sales

Estate sales are funny.
I used to go to them often with my husband, after we first moved into our house. That was about 7 or 8 years ago. For me, I like having a goal in mind when I'm at an estate sale. I need to know what I'm in search of. Once we felt like all of our decorating and furnishing of our home was complete, we stopped going.

But this weekend, I tagged along with a friend who was hitting some estate sales. I forgot how much fun it is. It's fun to see the houses, along with the people and all the stuff in them. What can look so beautiful on the outside isn't always the case once you get inside (I guess that applies to both houses, and people). I actually wrote a song about it here. All the stuff I sing about is true: we saw a mousetrap for sale, the house smelled like ash, and there were plastic flowers surrounding the trees outside.

It's weird going thu other people's stuff. Sometimes it's sad because you have to wonder why are they getting rid of all of their stuff.

Now I've got some new "goals", or things I've decided I want to look for at estate sales. Jewelry bits! And a few things for the house. Now that we've lived here well over 7 years, it's time to change some stuff up I think! I've been watching a little too much HGTV and getting some ideas...

Even Your Garden Comes From China

My friend and I went to some estate sales over the weekend. As we walked out of one of the houses, we noticed that along with all the other cheap, plastic items for sale inside the house, there were even plastic fake flowers planted outside around the trees. So here's to my friend, Allyson, who came up with the title of this song...

Even Your Garden Comes From China

We've been digging for treasures in your house
but I'm afraid if we're not careful, we'll find a mouse
'cuz you've got a lot of crap
you're even selling a mousetrap

You've got plastic flowers in your yard
You'd probably have plastic chickens if you had a farm
You may not care about the taste
Think things of value are a waste

(chorus)
Even your garden comes from China
where everything's fast and cheap
Maybe you think plastic foliage
looks and smells sweet

Maybe with all the lights out it's beautiful and bright
So when you have an estate sale, maybe you should have it at night
Because the place, it smells like ash
the expiration dates have passed

chorus

I don't mean to sound snobby, but this place is gross
I'm pretty sure that even your toaster would make gross toast
so I'm gonna walk away
without anything today

chorus

An Accidental Turn

It's a little ironic that this song is about making mistakes and learning from them. I made several mistakes in the making of this particular video. But being brave, like the songs advises, I went ahead and put it up and out there into the world of YouTube.

I learned today lamps don't make great lighting in a video.
I also learned that the ticking of my coo-coo clock apparently makes me bob my head excessively so as to keep the time of my song, rather than the ticking. I could stop the clock, and after watching this head bobbing thing on video, I probably will next time.
I wrote this song very late last night- So late, it's actually referred to as early morning. I wanted to go ahead and record it before the weekend arrived, but perhaps practicing a song a little more before recording it would be helpful.

So, here's the song- It's called "An Accidental Turn".

Take a deep breath and jump right in
There's a big blue ocean for you to swim in
An empty white sketchbook for you to fill
You've got some broken crayons and time to kill

(chorus)
So be brave, and don't ask
Being told the answers only holds you back

Color outside of the perfect square
'cause nothing's really perfect and life's not fair
You learn the most from the falls you take
Your heart grows stronger once it breaks

(chorus)

(bridge)
you're meant to make mistakes both small and great
an accidental turn is how you learn

13 Most Annoying Facebookers

I just read an article about the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers. They pretty much covered most of them but I have one to add.

And I hope it doesn't make me sound like too much of a bitch.

What sometimes annoys me, is the Facebookers who day after day write the most overly positive and optimistic post status. Stuff like, "Kerri is grateful for all her blessings...", "Kerri is ready to take on the day!", "Kerri is in love with her beautiful husband!", "Kerri is full of awe and wonder."

Occasionally, to write something like that might be reasonable. But daily? Really? Don't you people ever feel crabby and tired? It reads like bragging to me.

So I'd like to amend that CNN article, and list that as the 13 Most Annoying Facebookers.

The Path of Least Resistance

I'm not looking for refinement, in fact I kinda mind it
I've no interest in elaborate design
Nothing complicated could keep me captivated
Oh, but you're doing just fine

(chorus)
I want to the path of least resistance
A simple love between us
The kind that just goes on and on and on

Nothing ornamental could be as sentimental
as your love when it's given for free
It's not polished up and gaudy, and nice when it is naughty
when it's just you and me

(chorus)

Don't Hit

Yesterday, after leaving my doctor's office, I walked out onto the parking lot. I noticed papers on the ground, that a woman had obviously just dropped. I then noticed her walking right in front of a car, paying no attention to the car but saying, "GET THE FU*# AWAY FROM ME" over and over. Then I noticed a man walking with her. They didn't seem happy. But it all was happening in slow motion for me. (The car was also slow-moving and stopped for her, by the way.)

More and more people seemed to be noticing this couple since they were a little hard to ignore. Her yelling was escalating, and he was arguing back. As he got closer to her , she began hitting him. He only had on one shoe. I noticed this when at one point he had walked away from her, but then ran back and sorta lunged at her.

A woman yelled out, "Somebody call 911!!" So I did. I think about 5 other people did, too.

I am clearly not one to keep a cool head in a crisis. This wasn't even my crisis, but yet after dialing 911, and not hearing it ring, I looked down at my phone and noticed I had dialed 11911 instead. I had to redial at least once and it may have even been twice. Once the operator picked up, I told the man what was happening- some sort of domestic dispute I thought- and I told him the address where we where located. In a very slow voice, the man continued asking me questions, like what did the people look like and what were they wearing. I stood only about 7 car lengths away from the couple as I meticulously described their clothes. Then the operator asked me if anyone had a knife or a gun. I suddenly felt like the tattle tail of the school bullies and realized if they did have a gun or a knife and noticed me, they might get pissed. I felt so frustrated with the 911 operator's calmness and SLOWNESS. By the time we were hanging up the phone, the man of the fighting couple got in his car and sped off. The woman, now abandoned, just stood there in the parking lot as it looked like others were consoling her.

I don't know what happened before I got out there. All I know is that I saw her hitting him, and screaming at him first. She didn't look like the victim of battered woman syndrome. They looked like two low class and ridiculous people having a big fight. But because he was a man, and a big man at that, it seemed like everyone was automatically sympathetic towards her.

So coincidentally, tonight, Chris Brown will be on Larry King. I guess he's there to discuss his infamous blow out with Rihanna. Obviously, none of us know what really happened between the two of them. I guess Chris must have hit her, and I think he's even been convicted of it. I'd really like to hear the whole story. But if she perhaps had hit him first, or done something extreme that provoked him, and he spoke about it publicly, people would probably just get all up in his face about it anyway.

A man should never hit a woman. But a woman shouldn't hit a man either. Didn't we all learn that in kindergarten?

The Sky Starts To Turn

Think I'm just fine, think that I'm good
Think that I've got all that I should
Moments like these, all of my needs
are met and beyond and out of the seams

(chorus)
but it could turn on a dime, in the blink of an eye
the sky starts to turn and so do i...

I am on top of the whole world
My arms outstretched, helping me twirl
'Cuz the suns out, and the skies blue
And from up here it's a beautiful view

(chorus)

When I am sad, when I am down
It won't be long, 'til it all turns around
that's how it swings, and what the day brings
the ups and the downs and the in-betweens

(chorus)

Not Tuning In

I have written in my other blog a few times about my relationship with the evening news. In fact, I JUST wrote a blog post about this very thing! My husband is an avid watcher, but I try to avoid it. All the bad news is not how I chose to end my day. I usually go take a bath around that time instead and read. And think about how great life is instead.

The other night, I overhead a news report saying "It's predicted that 90,000 Americans could die of the flu this year." It is no wonder we have such a fear-based society.

Not Tuning In
have u been listening- haven't you heard
we're all going down and there's nowhere to turn
at the top of every hour- coming to you live
the news will inform you we're all gonna die

it's true if you believe what you hear on the news...
it's true, it's true if you believe what you hear on the news...

the flu's gonna get you and lots of your friends
90,000 will die before it all ends
line up for your flu shots cuz you gotta get three
this years outbreak's gonna be misery

chorus

people are crippled from blackberry thumb
technology's made us a little more dumb
you're taking a risk every time on the road
cell phones are worse than drinking studies have shown

chorus

a big storm is coming they've spotted the wall cloud
it's off in the distance but you better get down now
high speed winds and tornadoes descend
floods will be coming to signal the end

chorus
and i don't know about you, but i'm not tuning into the news

A new but yet untitled song...

Maybe we've got it easy
living the way we do
with all of these numbered days, the living is more true
nothing is left unspoken
there's time to right the wrongs
we place our hearts where they belong

(chorus)
if i step back and look at the the life that we have lived
the small framed photograph of life is rather big

i could say the time was too short
and there was not enough
i could feel sad for myself cause losing is always tough
but i've got time and distance
and i know the heart can heal
i got so many memories left to be revealed

(chorus)

anyone who's ever loved and lost
knows it's more than worth the cost...

(chorus)

Racing in the Rain

I'm putting up a song today that I had previously posted elsewhere and received unsolicited advice on what needed to be changed about it. Being the overly sensitive girl that I am, I let that comment stifle me. I haven't been posting many of my songs up since that comment.

All of these songs are very raw and unedited as I write at a pretty fast pace. By no means do I consider them finished or in a complete form just because I've put them up on YouTube.

I am a little lame in my need to explain that. It shouldn't matter. This is for fun. So I'm going to get back to putting at least 2 songs a week up here. I'm not going to be a wussy!

This is called "Racing in the Rain"- Inspired by a fantastic book I recently read called "The Art of Racing in the Rain".

Racing in the Rain

There is an art to racing in the rain
I've watched you so closely, so I can explain
I've see how you do it, and I don't see your mistakes
You can't slow down a moment, so you don't need the brakes

(chorus)
Just the tires and the tread, and no distractions in your head
and your eyes are peeled to the road
and there's no where else to go but home

This is the here and now and the why
this is living real life and there is no disguise
so i'll live everyday like it's stolen from the grave
when the track smells of danger I'll try to be brave

(chorus)

I'm fully prepared, I'm ready to go
I've studied and practiced- you've taught me all that I know
Maybe one more, just one more lap
Just one more lap, and then I'll never look back

(chorus)

Fear Based Flu Shots

I try to stay away from listening to the news. When I accidentally do, I'm usually appalled by how negative it is.

Last night, I was watching Larry King, and during one of the breaks, they had a little news update. I was folding laundry and barely listening, but I thought I over heard the news person say, "90,000 are expected to die this season from the swine flu." I had dvr-ed Larry, so I was able to rewind that, just to make sure I heard it right because I thought surely I had not. But after listening a second time, I verified that yes, that is exactly what had been reported. 90,000 Americans are expected to die this season of the swine flu.

Urgh.
Please!

Is this really what "they" think, or are they just trying to scare us all into getting out there and getting our flu vaccine?

It reminds me of when as a very young adult, I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. I can remember during my stay at the hospital, I was assigned a diabetic educator that told me very dark, scary things about my disease. She told me more than likely, one day I might be in the grocery store doing some shopping, feeling fine, and the next thing I'd know, I'd be passed out and in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. (20 years later, I can tell you this has never happened. Low blood sugar, as well as high blood sugar is a treatable situation that doesn't just come at you out of nowhere.) She also told me there was a good likelihood I'd eventually suffer a leg amputation in my older age from poor circulation. I become visably upset and she told me she was simply telling me these things so I'd realize how serious my disease was and really take care of myself- because she said, many diabetics do not. I remember at the time thinking her little scare tactic was not the right approach for me.

I don't make my health choices- everything from taking my insulin, to working out, to choosing healthy foods- because I'm thinking, "Well, it's either this, or lose my leg!" That approach seems awfully negative to me. And I think this death by swine flu prediction is also grossly negative.

Let's just wash our hands, get enough sleep, get some healthy workouts in regularly, eat well, and if you are someone who believes in the flu shot, by all means, get it. And if you do get a bad cold or the flu, stay home and rest until you feel better.

King Spa for Dogs

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post here about the King Spa and Sauna. Well, today I wanted to tell you about another great and similar discovery with a less prestigious name. Dirty Dawgs. But I'd reather just call it King Spa for Dogs.

Now that my girls are a little more mature, keeping them stinky free is more of a challenge. I'm not sure why that is, but there breath is stinkier, and their coats are stinkier too. Lately, they've been so stinky, it's sort of embarassing when guests come over. I think our house now smells like "dog". Dirty dawgs.

Let me tell you that giving my dogs a bath is complete hell. Scout howls the whole time and it sounds like she thinks we are trying to kill her- and perhaps succeeding. When Zoe and Scout were very young girls. they really didn't need baths at all- They were sort of cat-like and did a great job with the self-cleaning. But eventually, we had to bathe them. Very dirty work which left me with a bathtub full of hair and an aching back. We then moved on to Fermin hosing them down and giving them showers outside. But they hate it, they cry the whole time, and I don't think he ever really gets all of the soap out.

For weeks I've been asking Fermin to please, please bathe our girls. He decided that the showers weren't really doing the job. So he found a place near our house called Dirty Dawgs where you take your dog to bathe them. And you get to do it yourself. And after messing up the place with all their dirt, stink, and hair, you just walk out. YAY!

They stand in this little tub like thing, but it's at eye level so it doesn't hurt my back. After you bathe them, they've got brushes and blow dryers that blow cool air very powerfully and all sorts of stuff blows out of their coat. They even get their ears cleaned out while they're there, which much to my disgusted surprise was very necessary, especially in Zoe's case!

My dogs look really beautiful now. Fluffy, back to the intended colors God gave them, and stinky-free. And they seem really happy- Sorta like I felt after leaving King Spa. I've given myself the gift of going to King Spa about every 2 weeks. I'm going to give Zoe and Scout (and myself!) that same gift by taking them to the King Spa for Dogs every 2 weeks too!

Balance

Here's #28-
For now, it's called "Balance"

The sun's gonna go down today, and the moon will rise up
There's always this yin and yang, the low and high tides of life

(chorus):
It's a perfect balance of the scales
If one side was winning then the whole thing would fail

There's gonna be days like these, when it feels like you should just walk out
Then just when you've given up, you find something that makes you hold on

(chorus)

It's black and white, wrong and right
Don't let it make you loose sleep at night
It's up and down, silence and sound
You'll find it all here, the lost and found...

(chorus)

Paul McCartney

I went to see Paul McCartney at the new Cowboy Stadium last night. My husband got our tickets last minute, so thanks to that, we went late and avoided all the traffic of both the concert goers, and the people going to the Rangers game right next door.

The new stadium is really pretty- but as far as a concert venue, the rumour I heard was true. The acoustics are bad (I guess because it's just so huge!) and the sound is not good at all.

But C'MON! It was Paul McCartney! Former cute Beatle! And he's still cute. I'm glad I got to see a living legend perform so many great songs. I felt like he wasted a little time on some of the lesser known solo stuff, BUT I think ultimately, he should get to play what he wants to.

Paul is 67 years old. Doesn't look it at all. At least from a distance. Or even up on those big screens! I don't know how long his tour is, but last night he played a little over 2 1/2 hours without a break. Sounds exhausting, regardless of age. I wonder if he's touring because he just loves it, or if he needs the money, or....what.

My favorite part of the concert was when he told us he was going to play a song he wrote for Linda, and then he played, "My Love". I wonder if it made him feel as sad as it did me. I kept thinking about Linda all night. How she used to be on stage with him, how they barely ever spent any nights apart through out their lives, and just about how much he must miss that kind of partner.

My other favorite song was "Something", written of course, by the late and great George Harrison. It was a really nice little tribute to George, who was a ukelele player- Paul started off the song playing a uke. Very great rendition of a very great song.

Being that Squeaky Fromme was just released from prison and was a part of the Manson family, I sorta wished he had given a little shout out to her before he played "Helter Skelter".

Even though it was a huge stadium concert, I think Paul tried to make it seem intimate by talking quite a bit. I had trouble hearing him tho, because of the echo-ing of the sound.

He of course, played tons of great classic but he left off one of my favorite songs: "Maybe I'm Amazed". But with a catalog like his, I realize some are going to get left out. Too bad it was that one.

Anyway- Paul McCartney!! One of the 2 living Beatles. I feel so lucky I got to see him in concert. Definitely I'm Amazed.