Monday, May 29, 2006

Deprivation


I am reading the book "The Artist's Way". Every Wednesday night I meet with a group- Kind of a support group as you go thru the chapters. We work thru one chapter a week. Last weeks chapter suggested we NOT READ anything- no books, no newspapers, magazines, NOTHING!!! I happened to be on a long weekend vacation and had brought a couple of books I'm in the middle of that I'm REALLY into. I absolutely refused the suggestion of not reading. I think I know what it might feel like for an alcoholic to be asked to stop drinking, or a crack user to hand over the crack pipe.

I expected that when I showed up to our meeting on Wedneday night that the whole group would be up in arms over this ridiculous request. I was prepared to be involved in the riot. Suprisingly, no one seemed to be freaking out on the same level I was. It wasn't even our main topic of discussion for the evening.

I think the point behind the week long reading deprivation is to get a little bored with yourself, and to stop filling your head with other people's words so that you will hear your own inner voice a little louder. I get that. I see the value. But must it be with reading???? I do plenty of other things that are a waste of time, and honestly, I don't lump reading into that catagory. But I really want to follow the suggestions in the book...to a degree.

So I have rationalized this particular assignment and have come to the conclusion that as an adult, I can make my own rules on this kind of thing. What I've decided is that instead of giving up reading, I will give up tv watching COMPLETELY this week. I feel pretty good about this, especially now that American Idol is over and most shows I watch are now in re-runs.

I am ashamed to admit that I probably waste about two hours daily watching tv. I'd be even more ashamed if I really tallied up all the hours I waste in a week. So, I think this is going to be a big week for me.

The "week" typically starts on Monday, but I "forgot" because it was Memorial Day and all- So, offically NO TV FOR KERRI week starts tomorrow.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Reasons to Celebrate After All


A few weeks prior to this Mother's Day, I was lamenting that the "holiday" currently didn't apply to me...I'm not a mom, and I lost my mom a little over a year ago. Waaaa-waaaa. I was thinking and behaving like a Debbie Downer all around!

Well, I happened to have just learned (yeah, JUST learned!) how to make folders on my Apple computer. So the other night I was organizing all of my documents. I was reading over all sorts of stuff and deciding what to trash and what to keep.

I came across some writing I had done during the last 10 days or so of my mom's life. I had wanted to record all the things she said to me and just remember every little piece of her that I could. Unfortunately, I was so emotionally drained at the time, that the writing is pretty sketchy and not all that detailed. However, it was enough bring a lot of memories to the surface. Painful, but sweet.

It stirred my emotional pot so much that I found myself, more or less, in a fetal position bawling later that night. Crying over how much I miss her. Crying over the empty feeling I sometimes feel without her around. But, I guess, ultimately crying over how lucky I am to have had her all the years that I did. I looked at my clock and realized it was well after midnight on Saturday night- and so it was officially Sunday- Mother's Day.

I rethought everything I had decided about Mother's Day not applying to me anymore- of course it does, and it always will! I can't literally take my mom out to celebrate that day, or any others now, but I still have a mom and I will always think of her and I will CELEBRATE HER. I have tons of great memories; some I think of often, and others that suprise me every now and then. My mind allows me to still hear her voice, see her face, and even know what she would say in most cases.

AND, I AM a mother, I realized... I have my dogs, which I never actually refer to as "dogs" as it seems so disrespectful- They are lovingly referred to as "the girls"- My girls, and I am their mother.

So enough of the Debbie Downer attitude. I've got plenty to celebrate each year when Mother's Day rolls around.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I Was (Sorta) Right!

Oh my gosh... I think that just may have been the MOST exciting American Idol results show last night for me EVER. I loved the way Ryan Seacrest said something like, "Chris and Catherine...A lot of people thought you'd be in the finals. Tonight you're in the bottom two. Chris, a lot of people thought you might win this whole thing....(brief pause, camera on Chris and Catherine's faces) CHRIS YOU'RE GOING HOME!!!" The look on Chris's face was absolute shock and disbelief. He, more than the rest of America apparently, thought he had this thing in the bag. He couldn't even fake an expression of coolness.

And of course, the camera shot quickly after the announcement of Chris being sent home to Paula...head in hands, and then TEARS. AWWWWW! Boo hoo.

So HOW did this happen? I thought he was "the favorite"? I don't think tho, that people just got lazy and didn't vote because they thought he was safe and didn't need their help. With that many people voting (something like 1 out of 10 Americans have voted for an American Idol contestant), his fans were surely active. But maybe everyone decided he was just getting a little too cocky for his "boxer briefs"...and by cocky, I mean conceited of course! :)

I was shocked. But more than shocked, I was really, really happy. "America got it right!"

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

American Idol Ranking

One thing, and I do mean ONE thing, that sounds so fun about working in an office is being able to discuss American Idol. I don't work in an office, and I feel this discussion needs my input. So if you do happen to work in an office, and you do have this discussion, please pass along my viewpoints.

First of all, I've heard talk that Chris is the favorite. What? Why? He is so predictable. He is this season's Bo Bice for me. Yawn. And he sounds just like the guy in Tool...wait, is that the name of the band I'm thinking of? Anyway, whatever. Tonight he sang "Suspicious Minds" right after I said, "I know he's going to sing Suspicious Minds" It wasn't a tough call. And him wearing those sunglasses just did NOT do it for me. Yuck. He seems to agree with the judges and think he is ALL THAT. Okay, so he may be the "favorite" but I have never been a fan of favorites and I am not a fan of his.

Catherine McPhee: Pretty voice, and yay! for being the only girl still standing. I like her. But I don't like her like...

I LOVE TAYLOR! At the beginning of the season (during the initial auditions) he seemed more spastic. I was afraid I might grow tired of him and start to feel uncomfortable watching him make "the faces" and do "the moves". But NO! I have never gotten sick of him, nor have I ever been bored by him. I love to watch him perform and I love to hear his voice. Maybe he's calmed down, or perhaps I've just been charmed by it all and it doesn't come off as spastic to me anymore. He is clearly passionate about what he's singing. He's very geniune and I'm a big fan of that. And of his. He's been my favorite for most of the season until...

Elliott is now neck and neck in the #1 spot!!! He is the clear winner of the "most improved" award. His voice is, and always has been, beautiful. Lately his performances come closer to equaling that voice. I thought last night was his best night ever. He sang two Elvis songs that weren't even that familiar to me and (like Randy!) at first I was a little worried. But he MORE than pulled it off. As Paula has now said nearly every week about almost every constestant's performance, "He really made it his own". He just gets better and better every week. He actually seems to be having just as much fun on stage as Taylor...well, maybe not quite. Chris should take note on how to come off as confident but not cocky.

I voted for Taylor and Elliott. I felt a little concerned because I was able to get thru to vote pretty easily for Taylor. Anyway, there's my ranking:

4. Chris
3. Catherine
2. Taylor/Elliott
1. Taylor/Elliott

1 & 2...I just can't rank those- Don't make me. Neither one of them will be the ones to go this week. I think it will be Catherine. I think is should be Chris.

Monday, May 8, 2006

Pedophiles Beware!

This weekend I saw the movie "Hard Candy"... I would think it might speak to pedofiles as screamingly loud as "Fatal Attraction" spoke to adulterers. Actually, louder. I hope they all rush out to see it.

I have seen so many disturbing things lately about pedophiles, and in particular how easy the internet has made things for them. Dateline has done a couple of "exposes" tracking these snarly, sleazy men who meet underage kids in chat rooms or on myspace and then "hook up"... It is so sad and so scary.

And I've had a few conversations lately about how if a man hooks up with a underage girl (or boy) he is SICK and deserves nothing but torture. However, if a woman does the same with an underage boy, it is judged on an entirely different scale. For example, Mary Kay Laturno... She's the lady who was a teacher and started an ongoing "love affair" with one of her students, who I think was around 13 when it first got started, although he had also been her student when he was in 2nd grade. She ended up having a child with him. She also ended up serving some time in prison. Once she got out, they got married. He is now an adult, by the way. When I heard of this story, I felt sad for her. And I felt sad for him. It seems to me their love just came at the wrong time...a little too early. But if she had been a man would I have felt this way? Why do I have sympathy for a woman but none for a man in this predicament? Well, for one, in the cases of the women I've heard of, like this one, the woman isn't preying on lots of boys. It makes it seem more emotional, and therefore, forgiveable. Okay, but still... it seems unfair of me... But I know I am not alone in the way I feel about it.

Anyway, back to the movie, "Hard Candy". The movie begins with a man in his 30s chatting with a 14 year old girl on-line and they arrange a meeting. So of course the viewer, ME, is thinking...."Oh no...this poor girl and this sick, evil man." Well, this girl is NOT some poor victim. He becomes the victim, although not one you wish you could save. I was squirming throughout his pain and suffering, and if you are a guy, that empathy will at least double. OUCH!!! One word of warning here...CASTRATION...but I won't give it all away.

So I wonder, how would that movie and the charactors in it have come across if the gender roles were reversed? Would I have seen the teenage boy as the villan, and felt any kind of sympathy for the adult woman? In this movie however, there is no hero, or even slightly good guy in the story- Both of these charactors are evil regardless of any explanation of how they got that way. So it's interesting, I wasn't rooting for either of them, but I was on the edge of my seat trying to figure out what was going to happen next. Well, not really on the edge of my seat as much as hiding behind the hood of my sweatshirt...I was scared of what I was going to see next!!!

When you go see this movie, allow a lot of time afterward to talk about it with whoever you see it with. And you will HAVE to talk about it. And by all means, please encourage all the pedophiles you know to see it too.

Thursday, May 4, 2006

URBAN DOG COFFEE


I try to go to coffee places OTHER than Starbucks in my support of the "little guys" around town. I read an article in the Guide about Urban Dog Coffee, and it sounded so cool...You can bring your dog, they can play with others, and you drink chai tea (or coffee, obviously...), and get a snack.

But upon visiting, I found it was so much more than that!!! It's on Oak Lawn, 2720 Oak Lawn to be exact. It's near the vet and doggy daycare- If I hadn't have known that it would have been a little hard to find. Anyway, first and foremost it is the coolest small pet boutique. They have dog perfume in fancy bottles, shampoos, very cool leashes and collars, food, accessories of all sorts, toys, food bowls and trays, etc., etc., etc!!! On a nice day you can sit outside on the patio with your dog(s) and watch the cars go by, and they also have an indoor sitting area with tables and comfortable chairs in the corner of the store and your dog(s) can be there with you as well. Friendly people too... Oh, they also have free internet, which is why I am able to write my blog right here, right now.

The only thing they are missing is live music...My live music specifically! So I mentioned this to the coffee shop owner and we're hopefully going to work something out on that. I KNOW this would be a fun place to be. You know how sometimes you just walk into a place and you get a good vibe? Well, today, this is that place for me.

I bought my doggies each a pink collar with a padded and comfortable grip for me to hold as they pull me along on our walks. The chai tea was good...and of course, less expensive than "the other place"...

So, take your dog and visit the place- Hopefully I can serenade you there soon!

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

Blast from the Past


The world is a small place, some days more than others. I was playing up on the "perch" at Potbelly today, and was noticing a girl who could've been anywhere between 18 and 25, because I can't really determine much of a difference... Anyway, I noticed her because this older guy came in from eating outside and walked over to her table to ask her something. I think I've lately seen too many shows about older men hitting on way younger "girls"- I was wondering to myself about what he might be asking her, and noticing how calm and cool she seemed to be.

Just as I was thinking that, staring at her, and probably wearing some stupid look on my face over my quandery, one of the managers caught my eye and yelled up to me, "That girl right there was in your 1st and 2nd grade class"- I looked back at the girl I had been staring down and knew who it was immediatly.

She coincidentally works next door and came in during her break for a sandwich. She recognized me. Last time she saw me, I was her teacher and she was a 7 year old little kid. One of the first things I asked her was, "How OLD are you?", and since we had to kind of yell to hear eachother, she loudly said "19"- It felt like she screamed it. That's impossible. How could I have possibly been her 1st grade teacher? She must have been a very old 1st grader. She must have gotten a very late start in the public school system.

I happened to comment on how pretty her hair was...really long, really straight- something mine has never been. And then I got the answer to my burning question...The man I had seen talking to her was asking her about being a hair model for him.

I wonder how much older I look now than I did to her back when she was in my class. It was for me such an odd exchange. I felt like I was just talking to some random adult, and I guess she IS an adult, I just can't seem to wrap my had around how it happened so quickly.

So, she works next door to me. Both of us in a different city than when I was her 1st grade teacher back when I was 10 years old. Small, crazy world.

Blast from the Past


The world is a small place, some days more so than others. I was playing up on the "perch" at Potbelly today, and was noticing a girl who could've been anywhere between 18 and 25, because I can't really determine much of a difference... Anyway, I noticed her because this older guy (and by older, I mean he was a man...and he HAD to be a lot older than me) came in from eating outside and walked over to her table to ask her something. I think I've lately seen too many shows about older men hitting on way younger "girls"- I was wondering to myself about what he might be asking her, and noticing how calm and cool she seemed to be. Terrible thoughts were running thru my mind.

I was singing and lost in thought staring at her, and probably wearing some stupid look on my face over my quandery. Then one of the managers caught my eye and yelled up to me, "That girl right there was in your 1st and 2nd grade class"- I looked back at the girl I had been staring down and knew who it was immediately.

She coincidentally works next door and came in during her break for a sandwich. She recognized me. Last time she saw me, I was her teacher and she was a 7 year old little kid. One of the first things I asked her was, "How OLD are you?", and since we had to kind of yell to hear eachother, she loudly said "19"- It felt like she screamed it. That's impossible. How could I have possibly been her 1st grade teacher? She must have been a very old 1st grader. She must have gotten a very late start in the public school system.

I happened to comment on how pretty her hair was...really long, really straight- something mine has never been. And then I got the answer to my burning question...The man I had seen talking to her was asking her about being a hair model for him. Hmmm. I need to stop watching t.v.- I'm becoming too cynical of the world and the bastards in it.

It was for me such an odd exchange. I felt like I was just talking to some random adult, and I guess she IS an adult, I just can't seem to wrap my had around how it happened so quickly.

So, she works next door to me. Both of us in a different city than when I was her 1st grade teacher back when I was 10 years old. Small, crazy world.